the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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