Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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