Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
