So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i think i have two assholes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
