The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
