He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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