Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
