Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
