Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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