if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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