well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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