I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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