She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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