I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
