Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
