Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
