You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
