Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
