$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
