So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
