She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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