Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
