It's like God shit irony all over that family
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Who died my cat blue again?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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