I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
