Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
