That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
