my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
