Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The uberlube is also flammable
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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