This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
