isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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