I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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