Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
