Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
