Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
