Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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