normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i think my cat just said my name.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Let's get the cat blown out
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
