I wannas sexs uuuuu
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
