I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
