It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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