you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
