I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
