The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
