she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
