Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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