I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
