best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need a beard to bite.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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