i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
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