Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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