But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
