Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
