i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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