He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What a dumb baby whore.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
