She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
