I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
