Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
