im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
