I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
